What I Meant To Say
by Sarcastic-Bones
Summary: Despite being best friends for years, Scorpius and Rose argue constantly. Scorpius is finally fed up of apologising for all his mistakes, especially because 'sorry' is not what he's been dying to tell her.


**Hey all! :D I uploaded another one of my many ScoRose one shots (called "Dive In" if you're interested?) and I mentioned I had quite a number of other ones written, and you all asked me to upload more, so I thought I'd upload this one. This is the first ScoRose I ever wrote (even before "Help Me, Please", my long fic). It's based off of Daughtry's single "What I Meant To Say", so you should totally check that out.**

**I hope you enjoy it.**

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><p>I could see her silhouette clearly in the moonlight, the light from her wand reflecting off of the smooth surface of the Black Lake and her loud mutterings under her breath echoing quietly around me as I made my way down to her in the dark. The echoing continued.<p>

It was like she was in my head.

Almost as if what I was about to do was consuming all thoughts I had and I would get no peace until I did it, even if it made me miserable. Because this was what I had to do.

The harsh sounds of my feet hitting the stones were at first masked by the violent howling of the wind, but, as I approached her, my presence was evidently heard as she turned her head slowly and gently to see me arrive.

I stopped next to her without saying a word, wrapping my coat tighter around my body, and watched from the corner of my eye as she pulled her right arm backwards and released a pebble towards the lake.

It sunk into the depths of the dark water with a quiet plonk. I was briefly reminded of the crushing feeling I felt yesterday when I had secretly seen her snogging a different guy.

_I woke up today_

_Sinkin' like the stones that you have thrown_

After a few more stone throws she decided that speech would help the tense situation.

"What do you want, Scorpius?" A sigh followed this snappy remark as she reached down for another pebble, as if I meant nothing to her and talking to me was just a burden. "Shouldn't you be off ignoring my existence and snogging some Slytherin?"

I winced as the words cut through me like the Cruciatus Curse would. I just had to remember that we weren't dating. We'd been best friends for years and nothing had ever happened to suggest otherwise. The thought always made me feel incredibly strange, like when you spend hours on a jigsaw only to find that you're missing a few pieces anyway so the time was just a waste but there was nothing you could do about it.

_Wounded by the same old shots you take_

_It's easier to kick me when I'm low_

"Me?" I asked quietly, the words sounding harsher than I wanted to, but my anger had suddenly flared. Maybe that was why we argued so much – we were both short-tempered and fiery. "I never ignore you, Rosie. You've been sharp with me for two weeks, walking away and causing more arguments than normal."

"Oh, so this is all _my_ fault, is it?" She snapped again, this time turning to face me.

I took a step backwards. "N-No, of course it isn't. We argue anyway, but... but lately I've felt that you've given up on our friendship."

_And I just thought that you should know_

_I've been holding on while you've been letting go_

"I would never give up on it, Scor," she whispered suddenly.

"Neither would I," I agreed quietly, and then raised my voice to a normal speaking level. "It took us so much time and trouble to be accepted as friends by everyone, especially our families, can't we just get over what ever problems we're having and be... be friends again?"

Her face hardened suddenly in another sharp change of mood. "And what about you, Scor? Are you just going to bail on me for some girl like you've done so many times before?"

I winced again.

I was such an idiot to stand her up liked that. We were best friends, and have been for the past seven years, but I still rushed into things, never thinking them through, and ruined everything. I caused problems everywhere I went. And it was terrible of me to ask her to forgive me every time I bailed on our Chess-and-Chocolate nights in the Room of Requirement – they were rare and every one was a valuable and precious memory.

Every moment with Rose was precious.

"I'm sorry, Rosie," I looked straight into her eyes, pleading with her to understand – she had the other times. Hopefully this wasn't one time too many.

Hopefully we could start over from a different status.

She sighed tiredly this time, "I _know_, Scor, you've said it hundreds – more than hundreds – of times before. And I'm sick of it. You're always 'very sorry' and will 'make it up to me', but you _never do_."

_Well it's not too late to say it right this time_

'_Cause I know I said I'm sorry_

_But that's not what I meant to say_

I should have just told her the truth as soon as I reached her. I should have shouted the truth out for everyone to hear – the students, the teachers, the villagers of Hogsmeade, the birds, the Giant Squid, the stars even. But I hadn't.

Her voice had reached a sense of desperation now and I could almost feel her slipping out of my grip, like trying to hold on to sand.

Again, there was an abrupt change in mood, mine this time.

"What about you?" I'd had it with her blaming me all the time and making me feel guilty. "I usually let you're mistakes go because I figure that sometimes we're even. We both make mistakes. But it's always me who's the problem-maker, in the wrong, and the lousy friend. Well, I'm fed up with it, Rose!" This time I called her by her real name, something I hadn't done since Fifth Year when we didn't speak for a whole month. "You've left me too, for 'family events' which were just you and your cousins sitting by the fire and hardly talking for an evening, or it's because of 'homework' but I _know_ you've already done it and you're just looking for an excuse to have some time to privately snog some Ravenclaw in the library!"

_I'm strong enough to say_

_That I don't wanna take the high road now_

She looked shocked, talking a step back from me like she'd been slapped and almost tripping over the stones as she did so.

"How do you know about that?" She whispered, sounding slightly fearful.

"Because I have _eyes_!" I shouted back at her, stepping forwards so that I was right in her face. "You're not exactly _secretive_. Despite how amazing you think you are, you have faults too, Rose. _Big faults!_"

For a second I expected her to slap me, or scream randomly, or hex me maybe, but she did neither. She simply took another step away from me. Then another.

"I hate you, Scorpius Malfoy," she breathed, turned and then started to head back up to the castle.

"Yeah, go on, Rose!" I called to her slowly retreating figure. "Walk away, just like you always do!"

Through all this bad weather I wasn't sure if she was crying or not but I didn't care at that moment. She always walked away from our fights, and our problems. Nothing was ever fixed between us and we were slowly being broken apart by our own stubbornness – something else that we shared. But walking away... that was just her.

So _typically_ her.

_So typical of you to walk away_

_When your perfect little world is burning down_

She spun around to face me after a few more steps, in which time I had caught up to her and we were once again face to face, both fuming. You could literally see the anger rising as heat between us.

"I do _not_ always walk away!" She yelled back in my face.

"Don't be so blind! Of course you do!" I told her. "It's what you do, Rose! You can't face life when it gets a little too hard so you run from it whilst I'm left to clean up the mess of this thing that we call a relationship!"

She made a noise that clearly meant _'you couldn't clean up anything if there were detailed instructions and a group of magical cleaners to help you'_.

"Don't be like that with me!" I fumed back, my anger bubbling violently again. "You don't know how much I _try_, you're always the one who doesn't try to fix our problems and finds them magically gone and doesn't even notice 'cause guys are so busy sucking up to you so that you'll snog them and you're family are always so busy sucking up to you because you're _so amazing_!" I said this last bit whilst my voice practically dripped with sarcasm as the wind picked up again.

_And I just thought that you should know_

_I've been holding on while you've been letting go_

_Can I be so bold_

'_Cause all this sucking up to you is getting old_

"'Sucking up' to me?" she whispered and I almost didn't hear it. "That's what they're doing, is it?"

I could tell that she was hurt by those words but I didn't know why.

Yes I did, I realised. Those were the exact fears she had confessed to me one night in the Room of Requirement a few months ago at Halloween when we had skipped the feast and had our own midnight snack together complete with one very violent pillow fight and two all-out tickle matches.

I remembered that night fondly. It was right after possibly the best summer we had had together, during our good period of friendship. Where did it all go wrong?

"Oh, Merlin," I mumbled as her bottom lip trembled and her eyes welled up. "I'm so sorry, Rosie, I didn't mean that. I was just... just jealous, I suppose. You know, of all the time you spend with your family when I can't be there and I'm stuck in my cold Common Room playing Chess alone to pass the time."

"I've been an idiot," She muttered back weakly as I wrapped my arms around her.

"No, _I've _been an idiot," I argued kindly, running my hand up and down her back to warm her up as she shivered in my arms, most likely from the freezing gusts of wind that had become more frequent since I had trekked outside to tell her what I still hadn't said.

"I..." I opened my mouth to finally say the truth, something that I had realised last night and had been killing me from tension since then. I chickened out at the last second, whispering, "I'm so very, truly, sorry," in her ear.

_Well it's not too late to say it right this time_

'_Cause I know I said I'm sorry_

_But that's not what I meant to say_

"I didn't mean to cause so many problems in our friendship. If only I'd been a bit more reasonable," I was working up to the truth. I knew I had to tell her tonight, whether we had made up or not. "We could have... have been better friends, you know... Hung around more because we would have argued less—"

"—It's not your fault," her interruption caused me to lose my nerve and destroyed my build up to the realisation I really had to voice. I'd have to try again as soon as she was finished talking. "I've caused half of the problems. How many things have I done wrong? Ditching you, for one, and dating Johnny, that Ravenclaw, and all the others, ditching you for them as well, lying about homework – it was horrible and _not_ at all how you expect a best friend to act. _I'm _sorry."

_What I really meant to say_

_With every little breath I take_

_I'm not the only one who makes mistakes_

_Just think of all the ones you've made_

"I'm not going to compliment you, Rose, because, to be honest, I'm sick of using that as a way to make up—"

"And I'm sick of hearing that I'm 'perfect' all the time, when I'm so obviously not," she whispered back, wrapping her arms tighter around my waist.

"—But I just want you to realise just how much you mean to me," I hoped that she understood how desperately I needed that. I took a deep breath, breathing in her flowery scent despite the roaring wind around us and the small droplets of rain that had started to fall. "This relationship is all I have to keep me sane. You're my best friend, and I'm sorry that I've cause you pain 'cause I love you and the _last_ thing I want to do is make you unhappy, but it seems like that's all I've don these past few months."

_And I just thought that you should know_

_I've been holding on while you've been letting go_

_Can I be so bold_

'_Cause all this sucking up to you is getting old_

She simply stared at me for a moment, removing her head from where it lay on my chest to look up at me.

"What's the matter?" I whispered. "Did I say something stupid? I take it back, whatever it is. Please don't cry again," I hurried to say, brushing my thumb along her left cheek where tears had started to fall.

She shook her head gently. "No," I heard the whisper faintly but still managed to pick up the passion and emotion in it, even if I couldn't pin-point exactly what they were. "It was perfect... Exactly what I wanted to hear, actually."

She smiled faintly at me.

I was confused for a moment. I didn't want to ruin the moment because it felt special and delicate – like it could burst at the slightest thing – but, at the same time, I'd didn't quite understand what she meant. I'd told her that I was sorry a million and one times before, why was this one any different?

Maybe it was the rain; I mused silently, and then shook the strange thought from my mind. Now was not the time when I had a beautiful girl in my arms.

I went over what I'd said aloud in my mind. Eventually I couldn't take her staring at me, waiting until I'd figured out her dodgy riddle.

Sighing dramatically to lighten the tension, I asked, "What did I say? Was it 'sorry', because you know I am but I've said it loads of times before...,"

"It wasn't sorry..." she teased quietly, grinning, as the rain started to pour buckets of ice cold water at us.

_Well, it's not too late to say it right this time_

'_Cause I know I said I'm sorry_

_But that's not what I meant to say_

"Then what—"

I was interrupted when my lips were captured by hers, crushing together passionately, and my arms tightened around her waist and hers tangled their way into my hair.

I pushed my body tighter against hers as the need to be close to her intensified and my brain finally registered what was happening.

I trailed short kisses along her jaw and up under her ear, pausing only to whisper in her ear, and then back down to catch her sweet lips again with mine.

"I love you,"

She smiled against my lips and then, after a moment, pulled her face away from mine, arms still tightly around my neck and mine clasped around her waist, one in her back pocket. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me firmly, loudly and clearly in a voice that echoed around the otherwise silent Hogwarts grounds, "I love you."

I grinned stupidly, the smile reaching both my ears, and she did the same, then I caught her in another kiss.

This one was interrupted by loud footsteps.

We pulled apart reluctantly, but quickly as McGonagall's voice called out to us from a few metres away, where she'd chosen to stop. "Get back to your dormitories, whoever you are, it's past midnight. I don't care if you _are _in love."

"Sorry, Professor," Rose called back to her and then froze, clapping both her hands over her mouth in shock. McGonagall couldn't see through the heavy drizzle and rapidly increasing fog, only recognising students by the two wand lights currently lying on the floor. Until Rose had announced her presence with her instinct to respond to teachers, that was.

"Rose Weasley, you better be awake in your lesson with me tomorrow morning," McGonagall warned her. "Now get to sleep before I decide to give the Head Girl detention."

"Yes professor," she mumbled back weakly as I silently laughed at her. She shot me a '_you're lucky she doesn't know you're here'_ look.

We heard feet move off of the stones and onto the lawns of Hogwarts, then McGonagall turned and called one last thing to us before disappearing back up to the castle.

"You too, Scorpius."

Once she was gone and our laughter had subsided I turned to Rose, who looked equally as confused as me.

"How did she know it was me?" I asked, draping my arm over her shoulders as we walked back up to the castle.

"Probably because _everyone_ knew we liked each other before we did," Rose sighed, resting her tired head on my shoulder.

"Probably," I agreed and vowed never to mess up this relationship again.

Rose came first. Always.


End file.
